I Wish I Would've Realized Before Marriage

When I got married, I knew there would be challenges. I knew marriage was - & always will be - a process... I also knew that with my marriage also came the challenges of a blended family. Since I too come from a VERY blended family - I knew there would be issues with the kids' mom, I knew my husband & I would struggle with finding a healthy balance with the kids & I also knew that it would be HARD! A "Second" Mom's Heart

Four things I didn't realize....

I didn't realize that I would lose all of my friends! For goodness sake, I grew up always having the same steady group of friends. We did EVERYTHING together. We transitioned together, went through all of our "awkward" stages together, road trips, distance, late nights (that somehow turned into all nighters), drama, movies, bon fires, etc. I spent the majority of my free time with these people. They were like family, or so I thought.

    I didn't realize that they wouldn't understand.... They didn't understand how I could fall in love with a divorced man who is 14 years older than me with two kids (I guess its not easy to understand). But more than understanding I didn't realize that they wouldn't support me! I THOUGHT our friendships were deeper than that. I thought we had this mutual understanding that we may not understand every decision but we will still support each other - that's what friends do, right?! 

Instead, I found myself trying to justify & explain myself to them. Trying to convince them to stick by my side & support me. Trying to force them to understand. This left me drained & heart broken. I knew it would be a hard pill for them to swallow but I never thought they would just leave me hanging. In the biggest transition of my life - they abandoned ship. I was there for them through all of their craziness so they should be there for me, right?

I also didn't realize that I would transition into a new "me". I would find new married momma friends. Girl time almost becomes extinct. My interests & hobbies would change. My PRIORITIES would change. & I would gain "marriage weight". Before marriage, I could stay up as late as I wanted, do whatever I pleased. I could work long shifts & not be affected by it, laundry & dishes were never an issue & I never had to cook full meals... one meal a day was all I needed, since it was just me.

Now...  if I stay up too late, my whole week is thrown off. If I get behind on laundry or dishes - it feels impossible to catch  up. Reuben throws a fit if I don't cook. Eating three meals a day is a must & my kids & husband drain every ounce of energy & attention out of me. Don't get me started on my husband's demand to sticking to an impossible "schedule".


I didn't realize that I would not have any alone time or time at all for that matter. I love to be alone. But we are soooo busy that alone time is hard to come by. I enjoy reading, sitting in complete silence, a good bath & I really enjoy sleeping in.... I didn't realize these moments would be hard to come by. My alone time is when my husband goes grocery shopping & I stay home to clean the house. Silence is scarce. Even when I am home alone, my phone is ringing or someone does a "surprise" visit & shows up at our house. Sleeping in only occurs in my dreams. We can have no agenda, no work & no kids but for SOME REASON my husband still feels the need to set an alarm for 7AM. 

Lastly, I didn't realize how rewarding it would be. Yes, I said rewarding... Before I got married, I heard all of the horror stories. I was warned how difficult it would be & I was honestly scared. But I wasn't sat down & told that it would be rewarding. Don't get me wrong Reuben & I ALWAYS have issues we have to work through, it's no Cinderella princess story & by all means our trials are not easy. BUT going through life with someone leading me, someone who loves me unconditionally, who sees me at my most vulnerable states... Through the valleys & mountains, it begins to look... somewhat beautiful. My life feels more meaningful. My friendships aren't as shallow & demanding. My husband & kids bring joy to my life. I feel stable & secure. I feel rewarded and blessed - I know I was created for this!!! It's hard but I couldn't ask for a better man to go through life with!

I wish someone would have told me...

Brianna Nicole